Scaffold Less, Support Smarter with EF Coaching: How to Help Your Teen Build Independence Before the College Transition

So much of our work as parents involves getting our kids ready to leave the nest, to operate skillfully and successfully in the adult world without, or with much less of, our help. Every phase of parenting involves a different level of assistance and autonomy for our kids. While it is necessary to be very hands-on in the early years, as our kids approach college age, we need to make room for them to operate with less of our direct support. To foster greater independence and autonomy in the long term, many parents are turning to the short-term intervention of Executive Functioning coaching to help their children build the skills they will need to thrive in college and beyond. 

The transition from daily manager to strategic guide is not always easy for parents; in fact, it’s one of the hardest transitions we have to make. Parents with children approaching college age face the classic “assistance dilemma,” the question of whether to step in and get more involved or step back and make space for their children to solve problems independently. Of course, a parent could complete most any task more effectively, given their fully-formed frontal cortex, but would doing so serve the long-term development of their child? 

• Is it better to let my daughter, a junior in high school, sleep through her alarm and learn a hard lesson about responsibility, or get her up and out the door in the mornings? 
• Should I place limits on my son’s cell phone usage or allow him the chance to learn how to regulate his relationship to and boundaries with his devices? 
• Should I get personally involved in my son’s academics or allow him to navigate his more advanced courses, even as I see early signs of struggle and flagging grades? 

At the core of these issues is self-regulation, the foundation of Executive Functioning. It is well-established that the brain regions responsible for Executive Functions, such as planning, organizing, and prioritizing, are still in development for teenagers, particularly those with ADHD and attentional challenges. The Executive Functioning skills that underpin academic success and greater independence can be taught, and once learned, will pay dividends for years.

With EF coaching, high school students can learn how to be more strategic in their approach to studying. They can learn to use better systems and academic supports to streamline their work and become more organized inside and outside of school. As they gain competence, they will gain confidence and a greater sense of autonomy, which is self-reinforcing. 

A little Executive Functioning support can go a long way, and in many cases, even a few coaching sessions can make a real difference for a student. Helping a student examine their habits and establish goals and individual strategies for each class can put them on a path towards success. An EF coach can guide a student towards self-awareness and reflection to optimize their daily routine: when to take breaks, when to put the phone away, when to exercise, when to do the most cognitively demanding tasks, and when to sleep. The student must learn what they need to succeed, understand their own strengths and weaknesses, and make skillful use of that awareness.

And as soon as the student begins to gain competency and confidence, the coaching sessions naturally become shorter and less frequent. As the student cultivates their EF skills, the coach can withdraw their support to allow the student to experience the autonomy and independence that will serve them in their future academic pursuits.

EF coaching is a practical approach that can empower students and help foster independence before they are on their own. If your student might benefit from enhancing their academic and EF skills, please don’t hesitate to contact us to see if we can be a resource for you and your family.